But Do I?
by Lunar Kasumi
Summary: Letters to and from Ron and Charlie about Luna and Ron's history with her. Basiclly its my explanation of their strained relationship twisted with my dream of a future Runa ship in DH FIRST RUNA! Please come and check it out!
1. Dear Charlie,

Dear Charlie,

Um, I know your just down the hall in your old room but I need to talk to someone about something that we REALLY can't talk about in this house. To many 'ears' around, if you know what I mean. in fact I'm not even sure if I'm gonna send this letter to you.

Char, lately I've had a lot on my mind with this past year and if the school opens September my 7th and final year at Hogwarts. Its odd putting that into words, 'My final year at Hogwarts'. Hmm, if I end up going to school in the fall nothing will be the same. Not that its been in anyway normal since I've started there but come on its to be expected with Harry there but even so..

So, Bill's getting married. In 3 weeks too. Mom's going mad but of course you of all people know that. I heard her yelling at you for quite some time this morning. Not even my I can sleep through her bouts. I'm rambling aren't I? Hmm. I guess I better get on with what I want to talk about.

Girls.

There are so many things I have to say but I don't know where to start. Like Hermione! I don't know if anyone knows but I've been pining her for a while but before you say anything I've come to the realization that our arguments are not a form of flirtation but a weapon against our friendship with not only ourselves but with Harry also. Besides take away her looks and well you have Ginny. No need to explain how I feel about that.

Girls are absolutely barmy! I don't understand them they're so complex its like you have to have a hand guide or something. They say one thing and mean something completely different and then they get mad when your wrong about what the bleeding hell they said!

But one person whose completely mental is Loony, she's bizarre, eccentric even. Talking about Crumbled Snortkan or something like that. You know the blonde that live down the road; Lovegood. Her and Hermione have gone at it a few times; there polar opposites. Mione's belief in things rely on logical concrete evidence and Loony believes in the intangible and elusive. Like night and day those two are. If do they agree on something its still abnormal to us so no difference there.

It's odd though, Gin, says that she got nearly all O's in the O.W.L.'s including Potions, Divination and Astronomy. I mean I know she' in Ravenclaw but an Outstanding in Divination? How long has it been since any ones gotten one? More than a decade right?

She's so weird. But lately I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad one. She's always been like this way. Even before I decided not talking to her. I've now realized that you have to know her. We were always together when we were kids. You know when I still hung out with Ginny and her? We were always at each others houses and then I guess it all changed when her mum died. The visits became less frequent on my part at first and then hers. I guess since it was my first 'touch from death' I wasn't sure how to react. I felt hurt by her death because from spending so much time their as a kid, Luna's parents sort of became a lesser version of mum and dad. But I didn't want to tell her because I didn't feel it was my place. And then a year later was off to Hogwarts.. With new friends.. A new life.

I'd like to say I don't know why I didn't try to become friends with her again when I returned that summer or when she and Ginny entered Hogwarts, but I do. By then I was so consumed with my new role as the best mate of 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' that now that I think back on it I dreadfully realize that I used it as an escape from the guilt of what I had done to her. I hate using it as an excuse but I was so young and immature to apologize for dumping her in what was her time of need.

Back in fifth year when she and Ginny began to become friends again and the DA was formed I tried so hard to keep away from her. I'm not quite sure though whether it was because I didn't want to be near her ludicrousness or to deter her from accepting me into her life after what I had done. So that I couldn't hurt her again.

I guess no matter how much time goes by I'll never be able to forgive myself, even if I happen to work up the courage to speak with her and she forgives me.

But at the same time.. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Does that make sense? I guess I'm having a love/hate debate about forgiving myself.

What's wrong with me Charlie. Why did I have to hurt her. All I do is think about her, about how she must have spent her days while I put her, a once close childhood friend to the back of my mind and heart just because I wanted a little bit of fame! Am I really that damaged?

I know it seems that I regret becoming friends with Harry and even Hermione by the way I'm writing but I don't, I treasure it. Without them I couldn't have grown to become wary of others feelings or even have the courage to write this letter to you about all of this. Loo-_Luna _didn't deserve anything that happened all those years ago. With what's happening in the undertones of our school years.

What am I gonna do Charlie? How can I make this right? I know she deserves to be freed from this mess… but do _I_?

-Ron June 21, 1997


	2. Dear Ron,

Ron, It▓s fine that you write me, it▓s much better than always having to think about weddings and yes, I do know what you mean about ▒ears▓ so I▓ll be discreet as well. The first thing I have to say though is how different you sound when you write as opposed to when you speak. It is much more intellectual and less impulsive.

Ron┘ Before I go on, I need to tell you something. I want you to be careful. I know you guys are planning something, I do not know what ┘ but I have a feeling it is soon. Whatever you do though, I do not want Ginny involved. It is hard enough that the youngest of mum▓s sons would be leaving, midst war, but her only daughter? It would be too much for her to bear. Besides I have a feeling that not only would she cause an unneeded distraction for Harry but you▓d as well.

Despite your constant row▓s she means as much to you as she expresses you are to her. One of the blessings of being our little sister's ▒Confidant▓ is that it allows me ways to tell people how to handle and understand her nature with out cause both anguish. The curse is the fact that I have to go through it first, as I▓m sure everyone of us Weasley men know┘ her left hook is quite up to par, compared to our own!

Now onto you!

It is a bit unnerving that you▓ll be in your final year and possibly even more that you are already a legal adult in the wizarding world. But then of course I look at how you▓ve grown (not only vertically) and what you▓ve dealt within the past few years and although many is even odder than expected in even Magical standards, you▓ve handled it better than many would┘ for the most part.

One thing that will never change I suppose is you and your relationship with woman. 

Or lack of, for that matter.

Even though I haven't really been home, often since I graduated from Hogwarts I can see your brain still reverts to how it was when you were nine and afraid nargles would attack you if you were to near a girl other than Luna and Ginny. I wonder where you got that from? Not any Weasley or Hermione and Harry that's for sure.

Now I know Luna was sorted into Ravenclaw I remember because Ginny wrote to me, questioning what she should do about it. Apparently Ron you were not the only one who felt bad about leaving Luna to her own. She was a bit strung out and finally after YEARS of me trying to show what she should do she FINALLY did it in their fourth year. And as for her grades in school... well although the whole O's in Divination and Astronomy thing is bit odd when thinking of Luna and I think Ginny mention Arithmancy as well, Potions is another thing. I wouldn't put it past her that she inherited her mother's natural talent for it. That is how she passed away remember.

But then again maybe her getting Outstanding▓s in Divination and Astronomy isn▓t completely out there. I mean since when has Luna Lovegood been known for being normal. Besides it's not like you don▓t excel at thing that others wouldn't think you could. Like Chess. Chess is actually very strategical and mathematical, but seeing as how you don▓t seem to have any power of using that knowledge anywhere but on a board┘ people are prone to think you're and idiot.

But seriously Ron.

You seem to be very... tied down to the past when it comes to Luna. I don▓t really know what you're worried about. I mean if she forgave Ginny so easily what makes you think that she wont forgive you just the same? You both did the same thing to her. You neglected her in her time of need and then after the fact you kept on as if nothing had happened and as though you had never met her but the truth of the matter is that Gin, has made her move. When will you. There's only so much time you can put off talking to her before she feels you have no right to deserve her forgiveness.

The only thing that i think you should do is talk to her. and I mean REALLY talk to her. and let her know all of what you have told me. Bear your soul out to her if your so afraid of rejection and guilt. Let her know┘ let her feel that what your saying is true and show how it has torn you to know that you have done such an unjust thing to her.

But honestly.

I doubt you'll have to.

You guys have always had some odd link even when you were young... I think she knows how bad you feel Ron. She's just waiting for you to make the first move.

And to answer your last question. Whether or not you deserve to be relieved from the mess, you are in┘ only she knows that.

If there is anything, you've ever needed to do impulsively it▓s this. Find her Ron. Talk to her. Not only for her sake, but your own as well.

Your Brother,

Charlie. 6-22-97 


End file.
